Friday, February 24, 2012

Politeness in the Digital Age

As I spend more time on Google Plus I am starting to see some very annoying trends. People are not very polite.  I love the whole concept of making connections and getting to know people all of the world, and have been doing so online since 1996.  Back when I started, people knew how to be polite and they took the time to do so.  We had way fewer tools then than we do now, yet we still managed to have lasting friendships.  
Since I figure it would be rude of me to hold it all in and not help other people learn, I would like to share the following tips for communicating with an American on Google Plus.


1.   First and foremost:  Do not start a chat with someone if you have not read their profile.  
1a. Don't ask me where I'm from. It is in my profile.  I don't mind discussing my location, but please know where I live before you decide to discuss it.  In fact, I don't even mind if you show up at my door.  I am more than happy to entertain guests and meet new people.  I can't promise I'll be wearing clothes when I answer the door though.
1b. Don't ask me if I am a male.  It is in my profile.  Also, there is no good reason to open up a discussion with a stranger by asking their gender.
1bA. Please make sure you are aware of my gender before you start flirting with me.


2.  Use full complete sentences.  Do not use txt speak.  I don't care if you are chatting me from a mobile, take the time to type it right. This is especially true if you are in any line of professional work.  Saying "Hw r u" is the equivalent of asking a pregnant woman if she has enjoyed gaining weight. You just don't do it.
2a.  If you don't include vowels in your words, it is likely I will return the favor.  t mks t vry hrd t ndrstnd smtms. Ls, t ts annng.  N th pls sd t svs wr nd tr n th l' kbrd.


3.  If English is not your first language then please be understanding and make sure you are saying what you think you are saying. 
3a.  I will try to do my absolute best to return the favor.  If you are not sure of what I said or meant PLEASE do not hesitate to ask for clarification.  I don't mind.  In fact, I appreciate it.  People who grew up speaking American English don't understand me, so I sure don't expect someone from another country to.
3b.  I do my best to act like a stupid American (hey, I live here, might as well get some benefit out of it), but believe it or not I love learning your language.  I would love simple sentences in your language so that I have a chance to learn.  I am horrible with languages so I probably won't be able to learn, but I still like to try!


4.  Related to #1 above, please remember what time zone you are in and compare it to the time zone I am in.  The chances are good that I will not be available to chat if you msg me at 09:00 UTC.
4a.  I am currently working on developing programs for Android phones.  As such I own 8 different devices which no matter how hard I try, love to sign into G+ all hours of the day regardless if I am awake or sleeping. Given that it is also hard to remember to mute all of them, if you chat me when I am asleep you will almost certainly wake me up.  I'd really prefer it if you didn't. Especially if you did not follow tip #1.


5.  Spam.  Why spam.  Do you people really need to ruin this wonderful thing called Google Plus?  I have received several tags where the messages all say the same thing but in different languages.  I am on to you.
5a.  If are not a spammer, but feel compelled to ask how I am by tagging me then PLEASE start off in English.  "Ahoj, +Jeff Feely, co je novĂ©ho?" Is not useful.  Neither is, "Ehi, +Jeff Feely, come va?" or even "Hi +Jeff Feely, how're you?".  Unless I am missing something they all mean the same thing and make me think that someone is probing for something or something.  I'm on to you.


6.  I really do appreciate all of you who have followed me.  I will do my best to circle you back, but it usually takes a while.  I even have special circles for people who I have no clue who you are or how we are connected. It works great.  Actually, I have three of them now.  Crazy.
6a.  If you post animated Gifs I am un-circling you.  They are really bloody annoying and 99.99999% aren't worth watching unless you are a male 8 year old who thinks bathroom humor is the most amazing thing in the world.


7.  Last but not least.  Tagging.  Please don't tag me if there isn't any direct reason to do so.  I really am not interested in your economical report you wrote in college.  Please don't tag me in photos if I or someone I know is not in the photo.  The chances are extremely good I have already seen it as the main thing I do on here is look at the photo stream (I leave it open on one monitor while I program).
7a.  On the off chance you want me to critique a photo, please ask me first.  I will be more than happy to do so, or answer any questions.  Please understand that I will be brutally honest though.  I don't see any point in critiquing artwork if it doesn't help the author learn in someway.  Please understand that I generally look at thousands of pictures a day so if I don't share an emotional response such as "I love it" or "I like what you did there" don't be hurt.  Conversely, if I do then please take to heart that I meant it.  I am not fake.


If you read this far, then thank you.  I hope I will have the chance to talk to you some day.